i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
