Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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