It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
