i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
