she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
