Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
