dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
