oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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