It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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