Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
