I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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