My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
