How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
