Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
