no you cant smoke seaweed
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
