Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
