dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
