Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
