I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
