is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
