And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
