oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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