I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
