I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
