took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
