Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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