If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I need moral support for this bender
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
