To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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