Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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