i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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