tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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