I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
