Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
