When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
