my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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