I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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