He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Less talking, more tequila
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
