first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
