Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
