Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
