my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
