I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
