wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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