that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
