He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
