This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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