the condom got lost in my hair
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
