So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
