lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
