she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
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